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Post by xx snakey on Nov 3, 2010 15:52:22 GMT -5
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Dream
Apprentice
Posts: 178
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Post by Dream on Nov 4, 2010 1:13:15 GMT -5
I wrote it! Meet Whisper! Writer of the nice article! YOU GUYS ROCK!!
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Post by Crane on Nov 5, 2010 18:44:58 GMT -5
Wow wow wow
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Dream
Apprentice
Posts: 178
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Post by Dream on Nov 6, 2010 23:00:49 GMT -5
thanks thanks thanks XD
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Post by xx snakey on Nov 7, 2010 20:24:36 GMT -5
a reveiw would eb amazing, btw, Lily, as you mentioned in the Cbox~ ^^
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Dream
Apprentice
Posts: 178
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Post by Dream on Nov 8, 2010 22:38:39 GMT -5
Article #2 has a review of Into the Mist. TO BE POSTED SOON
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Post by it's FiSHY, scaredy-cat. on Nov 9, 2010 18:53:04 GMT -5
Very nice, Lilypaw :3 But since you're looking for some reviews, I hope you don't mind some constructive criticism: SkyClan's Destiny Flaws I love your review of SkyClan's Destiny. However, I think you could've ended it better. Instead of abruptly wrapping it up in a hasty, cliche manner such as "The end," you can finish the article up more smoothly and take advantage of the end by accenting main points you want the reader to remember and pay attention to. The ending is very important since it's the last thing readers read (and often what reverberates in their minds the most), so make sure you pay extra attention to it. :3
Warriors Run Across the Internet! This is another article I especially enjoyed. I know you didn't write this one, but I still like to point out some things I noticed that you guys (the writers) can improve on. First off is to watch out for typos. I noticed three: "Another site Whisper like is:", "Of course her e is the Official Warriors site:", and "Warrior nerd's; ...". The second is proffessionalism. I saw a lot of caps being used and many, many repeating/alternating exclamation marks and/or question marks. Occasional use to highlight important aspects is okay, but using it as frequently as it was in the concluding paragraph made it more tiresome than eye-catching.
This Week's Top Site is... Great, but why was it chosen? Are there any things in particular about it that made it stand out to you? Go more in-depth and readers will find it a lot more informative and useful :3
Poem Corner I like your attempt, but I think you may have gotten a little confused :3 You missed an important part of a diamante: line 4 (a.k.a. the middle line). Also, kittypets and warriors are antonyms, am I right? That means the first half (lines 1-3) describe warriors, and the other half (lines 5-7) describe kittypets. However, it appears that you are describing warriors the whole time. The reason for the middle line is to connect the two topics you are comparing (the first half of the middle line describing the first topic, the second half of the middle line describing the third topic). So since you seemingly described warriors the entire time, it's easy to see why you may have missed line 4. This is an easy mistake to correct, though, and I'm sure you can do it. ;3
Cat of the Week Again, like the Top Site of the Week, try to go a little more in-depth. ^^ How come you think she's the best character? Lots of people have different views and might see this differently, so explain to them your perspective and possibly convince them that Dovepaw is the best along the way.
Cat Picture of the Week Again, details, details, details. Sure, you've got a picture (good choice, too!), but there are truckloads of other cat pictures too. So why this one? Is it the eyes? Tell us. ;D Well, I hope that helped. xD I'm looking forward the the next issue. Keep on writing, Lily~ P.S. Do you know you can change your display name? Your login name will remain the same, but what actually appears to other people will be different. Just go to your profile, look near the top of your profile where there's a link to edit, and scroll down until it asks to change your display name. ;3 Then we won't have the confusing 'ilurvwarriors' sticking around while we all call you Lilypaw xD
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Dream
Apprentice
Posts: 178
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Post by Dream on Nov 9, 2010 22:48:48 GMT -5
thanks, i guess.. really, i only wrote that one article. the rest was by another person. I will definitely inform her though.
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