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Post by it's FiSHY, scaredy-cat. on Nov 9, 2010 18:55:19 GMT -5
Basilwhisker
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Post by it's FiSHY, scaredy-cat. on Nov 9, 2010 18:53:04 GMT -5
Very nice, Lilypaw :3 But since you're looking for some reviews, I hope you don't mind some constructive criticism: SkyClan's Destiny Flaws I love your review of SkyClan's Destiny. However, I think you could've ended it better. Instead of abruptly wrapping it up in a hasty, cliche manner such as "The end," you can finish the article up more smoothly and take advantage of the end by accenting main points you want the reader to remember and pay attention to. The ending is very important since it's the last thing readers read (and often what reverberates in their minds the most), so make sure you pay extra attention to it. :3
Warriors Run Across the Internet! This is another article I especially enjoyed. I know you didn't write this one, but I still like to point out some things I noticed that you guys (the writers) can improve on. First off is to watch out for typos. I noticed three: "Another site Whisper like is:", "Of course her e is the Official Warriors site:", and "Warrior nerd's; ...". The second is proffessionalism. I saw a lot of caps being used and many, many repeating/alternating exclamation marks and/or question marks. Occasional use to highlight important aspects is okay, but using it as frequently as it was in the concluding paragraph made it more tiresome than eye-catching.
This Week's Top Site is... Great, but why was it chosen? Are there any things in particular about it that made it stand out to you? Go more in-depth and readers will find it a lot more informative and useful :3
Poem Corner I like your attempt, but I think you may have gotten a little confused :3 You missed an important part of a diamante: line 4 (a.k.a. the middle line). Also, kittypets and warriors are antonyms, am I right? That means the first half (lines 1-3) describe warriors, and the other half (lines 5-7) describe kittypets. However, it appears that you are describing warriors the whole time. The reason for the middle line is to connect the two topics you are comparing (the first half of the middle line describing the first topic, the second half of the middle line describing the third topic). So since you seemingly described warriors the entire time, it's easy to see why you may have missed line 4. This is an easy mistake to correct, though, and I'm sure you can do it. ;3
Cat of the Week Again, like the Top Site of the Week, try to go a little more in-depth. ^^ How come you think she's the best character? Lots of people have different views and might see this differently, so explain to them your perspective and possibly convince them that Dovepaw is the best along the way.
Cat Picture of the Week Again, details, details, details. Sure, you've got a picture (good choice, too!), but there are truckloads of other cat pictures too. So why this one? Is it the eyes? Tell us. ;D Well, I hope that helped. xD I'm looking forward the the next issue. Keep on writing, Lily~ P.S. Do you know you can change your display name? Your login name will remain the same, but what actually appears to other people will be different. Just go to your profile, look near the top of your profile where there's a link to edit, and scroll down until it asks to change your display name. ;3 Then we won't have the confusing 'ilurvwarriors' sticking around while we all call you Lilypaw xD
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Post by it's FiSHY, scaredy-cat. on Nov 2, 2010 18:13:01 GMT -5
Here ya go, Lily: Grapevine.
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Post by it's FiSHY, scaredy-cat. on Nov 2, 2010 18:11:18 GMT -5
*chokes Lilypaw*
Ha ha - now you laugh no more. *grins devilly*
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Post by it's FiSHY, scaredy-cat. on Nov 2, 2010 18:10:27 GMT -5
OBJECTION!! For all you not posting in here for almost an year >:\
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Post by it's FiSHY, scaredy-cat. on Nov 1, 2010 14:56:15 GMT -5
That's a song, Lilypaw? xD I never knew!
"You're the Inspiration" - Chicago
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Post by it's FiSHY, scaredy-cat. on Nov 1, 2010 14:48:51 GMT -5
Stumbleknot pulled his attention away from Sombersong and focused his gaze to Sharpstar as the leader desperately yowled retreat. A bitter taste of guilt tugged at his heartstrings. ShadowClan was fleeing. Was this really what Duskstar wanted? What ThunderClan wanted? What he wanted?
A feeble whimper from his soul cried, no.
Yet, Stumbleknot pushed the frail thought away to reality. The warrior code said he must obey his leader, and he will now. But that didn't mean he couldn't be soft on the enemy, right? He could be following Duskstar's orders and yet still be going easy on the ShadowClan cats at the same time.
The tom flung himself away from Sombersong to race to Stagshadow's side. "They're retreating now," he told the RiverClan tom, who appeared too irritated to listen in on the ShadowClan leader's words at the moment. The deputy had to be careful not to be whipped by the spotted cat's lashing tail. "Do you suppose we ought to chase them on, or let them flee in peace?" The tone Stumbleknot used was professional, but he knew inside that he asked this out of guilt, eyes flicking for a quick glance at his bloodied claws.
OOC; not my best, but it'll do
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Post by it's FiSHY, scaredy-cat. on Nov 1, 2010 14:32:32 GMT -5
OOC; don't mean to intrude or anything, but please remember the 75 word minimum for roleplay posts :3
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Post by it's FiSHY, scaredy-cat. on Oct 31, 2010 11:53:33 GMT -5
Thanks, Rabiddog. :3 Stagshadow has been added.
@lilypaw: Why don't you fill out a form? :3 Right now I'm thinking about making Stagshadow Rivetpaw's mentor, but if you add in Lilypaw, she can have him for a mentor instead since Rivetpaw hasn't been made yet. ^^
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Post by it's FiSHY, scaredy-cat. on Oct 31, 2010 11:47:06 GMT -5
LOL, Hifty xD
"Little Wonders" - Rob Thomas
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Post by it's FiSHY, scaredy-cat. on Oct 31, 2010 11:45:54 GMT -5
Excellent! You hit all the right marks :3 Accepted.
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Post by it's FiSHY, scaredy-cat. on Oct 27, 2010 18:50:06 GMT -5
Yewfoot?
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Post by it's FiSHY, scaredy-cat. on Oct 27, 2010 18:42:34 GMT -5
Thanks! Your bio has been accepted!
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Post by it's FiSHY, scaredy-cat. on Oct 26, 2010 15:15:56 GMT -5
It's fine. ^^ Just add a few lines and you're good!
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Post by it's FiSHY, scaredy-cat. on Oct 26, 2010 14:47:40 GMT -5
Yes, they are "free". ^^ Petalstream and Dreampaw are yours!
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